Life lessons: How To Lose Gracefully. Betsy provides us with a counterexample

Friday night was such a disaster. We tried to play this Clue Jr. game that I found at the goodwill the other day. I tend to think that they should not sell games that are missing fundamental pieces! It's not like missing some money or houses from monopoly. Clue is really hard to play with missing pieces (and directions!). And when you buy it, they have the boxes all taped up so you assume that one of their many paid employees has checked on these things. But apparently not.

So I managed to find a copy of the directions online, was able to revise the directions to compensate for the missing pieces and Betsy seemed to actually understand the rules which if you think about it, is a pretty complicated idea. Even in the simplified clue jr. game, kids have to wrap their brains around the concept of "process of elimination" and they have to keep track of 3 different variables (who, what drink and what time for Clue Jr.). So we were off and playing a mere 45 minutes after we originally intended to start this before bedtime activity. And despite the monkey/tiger/dog in the room who climbed on the table, stole our dice and threw things, it was going very nicely. Betsy was doing great. She was taking turns and checking off her clues. I did need to remind her several times NOT to announce to me what she found each time. She has no poker face. When she figured out WHO did it, she got the most incredulous look on her face and could not stop grinning. And she tried so hard not to tell me, but then she did. That girl is so going to end up a gossip. "Did you hear? Oh my god, you're never going to believe this. It was Professor Plum. Professor Plum did it!!!" So hard for me not to use that information to my benefit. But I tried to play fair and square. Towards the end of the game, a little past bedtime, she was starting to dawdle. I was having to remind her to take her turn and mark her sheet every time. It was getting tiresome. I went ahead and solved the mystery. I was right. That was when all hell broke loose.

"That's not fair! I didn't mark the time." What do you mean it's not fair? What are you talking about? "But I didn't mark the time! You cheated. It's not fair!" Okay, I was just not following what exactly was not fair other than the fact that I won and she lost. Come on, I didn't do a winner's dance or anything! I really don't believe in letting kids win. I could be misguided in that regard as the next half hour of my life was somewhat surreal. I saw the meltdown of all meltdowns. Apparently, Betsy, in her zealousness over the game had only kept track of two of her variables. She figured out the who and she figured out the what, but she'd totally ignored the time. Somehow this was my fault. And because I didn't warn her, I had cheated by winning.

At one point she came up to me with the paper I had been marking my clues on and looked at me with an evil look akin to Johnny in The Shining. "Did you do this? Is this your paper?" she said while she slowly crumpled it in a way meant to evoke terror on my part, as though she were crumpling my only visa out of some godforsaken third world country, "well look what I'm goign to do with it. This way no one will know you won." Like who were we worried might find out about this game? Are you already getting ready for your papparazzi honey? I tried to remain calm and not get into it with a 6 year old. I also tried my darndest not to laugh.

Later, after she'd calmed down, while I was tucking her into bed, we ended up having a nice talk.
I told her "Betsy, I really had fun with you today."
She looked at me incredulously, "but.."
"No really," I interrupted, "I had a great time playing the game with you."
"But mommy, I got so mad at the end."
"Yeah, I didn't like that part."

Then we talked about what went wrong and she said she was sorry and all was good. I have to say that there have been enough episodes like this lately that I wonder if we are looking at early onset puberty! My goodness, if this is age 6, what is 12 going to be like????

Follow up note: Today my friend came over for dinner and she brought a list of drama programs to sign her up for. I am so on it!

Ways to save money

I'm a thrifty momma, yes I am. I went to the goodwill the other day looking for planting pots. And I found some! Then I was walking down the glass aisle and saw the cutest shot glasses. I need shot glasses! I don't have any and when people come over to my house to drink alcohol (all of twice a year this happens) they comment that I don't have shot glasses. Well now I do. And since I'm buying them at the Goodwill, they're practically free, right?

It gets better. Then I found the section with the board games. Wowie wow wow (as Junie B Jones would say)! I remembered that I wanted board games for my classroom. I'd started to order some on my end of year POs and then realized it was eating up too much of my budget. But here we go! stacks of board games for a fraction of retail! I started loading up. Cribbage, monopoly, clue, rummikub, racko, trionimos - perfect games for a math class! Doubles and triples of some. I felt like I was really restraining myself to NOT walk away with every board game on the shelf. But I think I got about 20. Now I have enough board games that I can actually plan a game day and make all the kids play math-related board games. You WILL enjoy math. Oh, and I got a few for home too. Clue Jr. for the kids and a new set of trivial pursuit questions for me. I'm seeing an evening involving shot glasses and trivia in my future! Hopefully not alone.

Ian was with me and I let him pick out a toy for being such a good boy at the "firecracker" (that's chiropractor if you're not fluent in Ianese). He found an elmo car with a place for batteries. What mysteries would the elmo car hold? After he got his toy he really wanted to go home and play with it. He started really begging me to go home. Darn Ian, I could save us a bunch more money if you'd let me look at more stuff! When I got it home, washed it with bleach and put in a battery. Elmo drove in circles, waved and said "This is fun, Woo hoo, here we go" over and over. That was worth an hour of entertainment.

So I got the pots I wanted for 99 cents a piece. What a deal. And I only spent $38 to get them! Now that you know this is the blog with the best tips on saving money, I'm sure you'll be checking in regularly.

My Little Darlings

Here are the two stars of my life.
This is what I wrote for Betsy in honor of her 6th birthday:
"When I was one, I had just begun.
When I was two, I was nearly new.
When I was three, I was barely me.
When I was four, I was not much more.
When I was five, I was just alive.
But now I am six, I'm as clever as clever, so I think I'll be six now for ever and ever."
~~AA Milne, Now We Are Six

Oh please, dear one, please, just stay six. I can't take this growing up thing you kids insist on doing. And yet, my heart bursts, BURSTS with pride as I see the young, stylish, smart little lady you are becoming. Every time we saw your teacher during the last few months of school, she gushed at how much you'd grown during the year. Well you don't have to tell me twice.

A year ago, we had a little girl who recognized SOME of her letters, now you READ!!! A year ago, you counted to 16, but left out 14 (who needs 14, right?). It was an insistent stubborn leaving out of 14, I know this, but now you gracefully count to 100 and beyond. A year ago I was buckling you into a carseat. Now I don't even need to open the door for you. Now you clean up your room and make your bed, collect an allowance, do homework. My goodness, did I do something right with this kid or what??? No, it's not me sweetie pie, it's all you. You are and always have been the maker of your own destiny. You were the sweet baby who slept through the night at 6 weeks old. You were the darling toddler who could work the room at a party full of adults. You were the adorable preschooler who picked out your own matching outfits without help AND added your own sense of stylish flair. As a kindergartner, you were the little girl who spontaneously, without prompting, wanted to give your tooth fairy money to "the poor people". You are the child who every teacher loves. You warm hearts with your charm, your smile, your laugh, your flirtatious teasing and most of all your sweetness. I didn't have a darned thing to do with it, I am just the lucky one who gets to enjoy it.

And don't worry, I know you have a devilish, mischievious side to you, but I see strength. You don't get pushed around, you go after what you want, you are stubborn, you are mighty and yet, you are all sweetness and love. I am amazed at the complexity of thought that you have these days. You ask me a question and I start to explain it in those simple kid terms I've gotten so good at. But you aren't satisfied. You now know enough about the fourth of july to be able to tell people about the Boston Tea Party.

What can I say lillibet? You are one awesome kid and you continue to amaze and thrill me with every passing year. I can't wait to see what the next year brings. I love you little one.

And this is what I wrote for Ian when he turned 3 back in April:
Oh my. My Mr. Bean is turning 3 this week (he has the very auspicious birthday of April 20th) and it has his mommy more than a little choked up. His first 3 years have been probably the most traumatic and difficult in my life, but also, the happiest and most fulfilling. Not because of him, but there he was through it all.

Today as he screamingly careened into my waiting arms, I swooped him up in my lap and cradled him like a baby. He quickly wriggled away crying, "I skeered mommy, come" and grabbed my hand with his little hand pulling me away from my conversation. What was he scared of? I can't say, but my very presence was enough to make the scary stuff okay. That's powerful stuff.

He is frustrating beyond belief. I have cried tears over how to make this kid go to bed, eat a vegetable, wear striped pajamas (did you know that they're not pjs if they don't have rocket ships??? This was new to me too), stay in time-out, sit still for a haircut, stay near me in a store, not scream, be quiet in church, not throw things, and on and on. He has a mind of his own and it's heartening to know that he's not in any danger of being wishy-washy. But he also has a smile that lights up a room, a fantastically goofy, happy-feet dance, a kick-ass sense of humor, an infectious obsession for trains (yes, I find myself getting excited at train crossings too anymore) and best of all, the sweetest, most cuddliest hugs and kisses on earth. Recently I heard the spontanueous utterance of "I wuv you mommy" with little arms wrapped around my neck and a soft one planted on my cheek.

I feel like my days as the center of his universe are numbered. I'm already jealous of my future daughter in law and I know it's only a matter of time before he's embarrassed to kiss me in public.

Happy Birthday to my little guy - Mr. Bean, Ian Bein', Ion - the positively charged kid.

They love each other desperately:

I love them desperately!

magnitude

Last night I had a conversation with an atheist. I don't actually believe in atheists. I think they are all agnostics waiting for proof. Ha ha. It was not a big conversation about the existence of God, just about the fact that I actually do believe in God and even, um, well, you know, go to church and stuff, and how uncool that seems to be among my peer group. I woke up this morning thinking about it and thinking, am I the idiot for believing in this stuff, I mean, I can't actually prove it's true that there's a God. I guess for me it's as true as anything that you can only know with your heart. Why do you love somebody? It's not a tangible, touchable, seeable thing to love. It just is. It's something you know in your heart, it grabs you, it doesn't go away. You know you are better with that love than without.

So after having all these thoughts, I come downstairs and the first thing I do, before even getting a cup of coffee is to check my email. The first thing I see is from my dad. I am like my Dad in a lot of ways. (If you know my Dad, you know how very hard it is for me to admit that. Our personalities are very different, but our brains work similarly if that makes any sense). My dad loves math and science and he was ecstatic when I decided to study math. He loves sending me little problems to solve. I regularly receive math-related articles clipped from magazines and newspapers. Now we've entered the new millenium so I get links via email. I used to laugh when I got these, but now I know that it's how he shows his love and that it means I'm important to him. While he's reading or online, I am on his mind. I am the only one of his children who shares his love of math and science. I mean, they are all his seed and I think compared to most people, all my siblings have a better than average appreciation for the stuff, but I'm the one who nerdily pursues it. Another thing I share with my dad that none of my other siblings have embraced is religion. My dad is quietly devout. I happen to know that he carries a rosary in his pocket, but I only know this because my mom told me, it's private to him. Since my dad is one of the most logical people I know and also the most religious, I haven't ever had that conflict between science and God that many go through. Certainly I went through my doubting phase and there were a good 10 years when I was not religious at all, but I can tie it together in my mind and every new scientific discovery only affirms my belief.

So, with all of these thoughts going through my mind, this was the video in my email:



Anyway, I realized that there are two conclusions you can come to when faced with the magnitude of our universe. You will either wonder at it's vastness and say "How can there be a God?" or you will marvel at the beauty and complexity and say "How can there NOT be a God?"

I want to add the disclaimer that I am not trying to convince anybody of anything, these are just musings.

The funniest joke ever...

When you are 3, the funniest joke ever is... "Mommy, I'm going to eat poop." Great honey, that's hilarious. Followed closely by "Mommy, I'm going to eat spiders." I'm dying, I can barely keep my pee in that's so funny. By the way, the three year old in my house did NOT keep his pee in after telling that joke.

When you are 6, the funniest joke ever is usually a botched knock-knock. Something along the lines of:

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Toilet
Toilet who?
Toilet sink

Try and explain why that's not funny. Please. I got nowhere with it.

I remember when I was in high school, the funniest joke ever was this one:

So a mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve mushrooms here, you're going to have to leave." To which the mushroom responds, "Why not, I'm a fungi?" (Fungi= Fun guy, get it??) I'm not sure why at one point in my life, that sent me into a tizzy.

Isn't there some movie about the funniest joke ever? Or maybe it's the dirtiest joke? I'm really curious as to what the funniest joke ever is and who decides?

Here we go a bloggin'

Well I've been inundated with blogs lately. It seems all the cool kids are doing it and who am I not to jump on the bandwagon? I'll come back when I have something worthwhile to say. Meanwhile, this post keeps the page from looking too blank.