Things you shouldn't shout in church.

Ian was trying really hard to be good, but it was an extra long service because it was our church's centennial celebration. This was a huge celebration that had so many attendees, they had to hold it outside. The choir was 3 times it's normal size and there were about 6 extra priests on the stage, er, the altar. There was lots of extra singing, prayers and talking. From beginning to end, it lasted an hour and 45 minutes. I guess it's not wonder that towards the end he started to get antsy. But Ian doesn't just get antsy like a normal 3 year old, no he has to do it with style.

In a Catholic service, the most sacred part of the ceremony is the Eucharistic blessing. This is the part where the priest does his voodoo magic and turns the bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. It's the part where we traditionally kneel (although not today because we were outside on the asphalt and we're not THAT holy) and the altar boys ring little bells to remind us to be extra prayerful. It was during this very sacred and solemn part of the ceremony that Ian decided to call out "It's my turn to be God". At first I let out a giggle, but then noticed that noone around me saw the humor. So I tried to squelch him, but he must have said this another 10 times at the top of his lungs. "It's MY turn to be God." And being that we were already outside, there wasn't really an escape for me. Thoughts like "could I be raising the anti-christ?" actually ran through my head. I tried to quietly explain to him that we couldn't BE God, we can only love God. So his response, (which he couldn't possibly WHISPER back to me, because Ian doesn't really whisper) was "God is MAD!!!" I'm sure everyone around us thought that I was whispering to him that "God is mad at you" which is a terrible mother kind of thing to say. So another six times that he tells the whole world that "God is Mad". Great, I'm glad we're using this church experience to instill the love of God in you, son. Then it was time to sing and I asked him to sing with me. No, he couldn't, because you see, "Jesus can't sing!" Who knew? I finally took him out on the sidewalk and let him run up and down. But what I want to know is, where were all the other 3 year olds??? Why was mine the only one shouting??? And does anyone get now why I only go to church about once a month anymore?