This Blog Has Been Abandoned

In favor of this one.  Don't ask.  It doesn't make sense.  Does it have to make sense?

Hello sunshine.

I am exhausted and I can barely move. My lymph nodes are totally swollen. I did not get sick all winter. Today was the hottest day of the year. What's up???? I hope I feel better tomorrow because I actually have a babysitter and plans to go OUT. Ian had the biggest meltdown of his life tonight. Both kids JUST went to sleep and it's 9:30. Their bedtime is 7. We don't have AC. I gave it away last year because I love the earth. I'm an idiot. I have been whining a lot this week. I'm going to bed.

I'm Here!!!! TWO days in a ROW!!!!

It is 1 am so technically it's tomorrow, but since I don't have any hours of sleep between me and "yesterday", it doesn't count.

Here was a headache of a conversation I had today. Today's lesson in math class: percents greater than 100. The kids totally thougth they understood this, and the hands down favorite example in every class was when coaches tell them to "give it 110%". 110% of WHAT? They had no idea. It was hair pulling trying to get them to wrap their brains around why I can say 110% of my effort yesterday, but it makes no sense to say 110% of your best because if it were really your best, you couldn't do any better. It's funny how the word "best" has become very casual with kids. It is their favorite thing to say "I'm doing my best". Really? Is showing up without a pencil, no book and an excuse instead of homework really your best? Really? That's just sad. I know I sound mean, but it's the middle of May and I teach 7th grade!

I was able to tear myself at work at 5:15, trying to finish projects that were supposed to be collaborations but I've found it's quicker to do it myself. I'm SWAMPED right now and PISSED abotu some things going on at my school. But I'm not going into school politics right now.

I'm glad I looked at the clock when I did because if I'd gone any later, I'd have missed picking up the kids. I got them home by 6:15 and made them PB&J for dinner. They couldn't wait for the rice I was making for myself. I ended up eating Pb& J too because it smelled so good.

I get to listening to my messages and find out that TOMORROW they are pressure washing my deck so that they can paint on Saturday. So I need to have everything off of there TONIGHT and won't be able to put it back until Sunday. I was so annoyed. I mean, I'm glad I'm going to have a nice clean, freshly painted deck, but maybe a little notice and maybe if you have time to clean the deck you could find time to fix my broken dishwasher!!!! And it's not like I have a garage, so the stuff just has to go into my apartment. So now my dining room is piled high with potted plants, a bbq, extra table, etc. The saddest part for me is that Thursday and Friday we will see record high heats and my plants would just LOVE that. They are dying for sunshine. I think I will put them back outside after tomorrow anyway.

Well, those are the ramblings for today. Happy May 14 to you all! All 2 of you.=)

Spring!

I'm back! I am coming out of hibernation. There is a clear cycle to my life. Basically, Spring and Summer I am happy and active, come fall I go into hibernation and in the winter I find myself barely keeping my head above water. So, I apologize for letting this bloggy thing basically die. I've noticed that about 10% of the posts on here are apologies for not posting more often. I have always sucked at journal writing. But I am determined to make this a successful blog. It will be fun, informative and contain lots of cute pictures of my adorable children.

So here is my pledge that I make here today before my 2 readers (Thank you Dena and Marybeth!). I am going to post something EVERY day, even if it is just to say, life sucks and I can't post right now. Really, I mean it. I know Dena is laughing at me right now. Although she won't read this for another 3 months because she stopped checking sometime back in January. And by then I will have proven myself.

Can we build it? Yes, we can!

Things you shouldn't shout in church.

Ian was trying really hard to be good, but it was an extra long service because it was our church's centennial celebration. This was a huge celebration that had so many attendees, they had to hold it outside. The choir was 3 times it's normal size and there were about 6 extra priests on the stage, er, the altar. There was lots of extra singing, prayers and talking. From beginning to end, it lasted an hour and 45 minutes. I guess it's not wonder that towards the end he started to get antsy. But Ian doesn't just get antsy like a normal 3 year old, no he has to do it with style.

In a Catholic service, the most sacred part of the ceremony is the Eucharistic blessing. This is the part where the priest does his voodoo magic and turns the bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ. It's the part where we traditionally kneel (although not today because we were outside on the asphalt and we're not THAT holy) and the altar boys ring little bells to remind us to be extra prayerful. It was during this very sacred and solemn part of the ceremony that Ian decided to call out "It's my turn to be God". At first I let out a giggle, but then noticed that noone around me saw the humor. So I tried to squelch him, but he must have said this another 10 times at the top of his lungs. "It's MY turn to be God." And being that we were already outside, there wasn't really an escape for me. Thoughts like "could I be raising the anti-christ?" actually ran through my head. I tried to quietly explain to him that we couldn't BE God, we can only love God. So his response, (which he couldn't possibly WHISPER back to me, because Ian doesn't really whisper) was "God is MAD!!!" I'm sure everyone around us thought that I was whispering to him that "God is mad at you" which is a terrible mother kind of thing to say. So another six times that he tells the whole world that "God is Mad". Great, I'm glad we're using this church experience to instill the love of God in you, son. Then it was time to sing and I asked him to sing with me. No, he couldn't, because you see, "Jesus can't sing!" Who knew? I finally took him out on the sidewalk and let him run up and down. But what I want to know is, where were all the other 3 year olds??? Why was mine the only one shouting??? And does anyone get now why I only go to church about once a month anymore?

Whew!

I think that this blog was about to suffer death by neglect while still in it's infancy. Well, I am nothing if not inconsistent so I will be consistently inconsistent to avoid surprises. Capiche?

I don't know where August went. I just know I was busy. Lots and lots of busy. And September, well, holy cow - another september. I generally lose 15-20 lbs. in September/October without even trying. okay, that has been the two year pattern and I'm suggesting that it might be a rule, at least until I find myself dangerously close to underweight at which point I will correct things by consuming ONLY very high calorie items like chocolate bars and french fries for a period of time. Man, that's gonna suck.

So, busy. Yes. You know, school starting up, etc. Please don't ask me what I was doing. It will probably come out in bits and spurts when it occurs to me, but I don't want to have to give you a laundry list of all the mayhem. Each individual item, of which there are many, requires it's own lengthy explanation and I simply would rather get this posted. Let's maintain the policy that I have with my dearest friends: it doesn't matter how much time has passed, we never have to feel guilty and we can always just pick up right where we left off.

Last week was SO hectic, that, completely out of character for me, I actually cancelled on two social outings. Yes, ME, I skipped out on two social events. I mean, it's not like I'm always doing stuff, but I usually never say no to outings. And I felt sooo guilty for about 20 minutes and then I realized that it's OKAY to say no. And I luxuriated in a weekend at home. I played with the kids. I cooked. I organized. I did laundry. All of it was extremely soul-satisfying and I felt great about my weekend home. I spent precious little time on the internet and didn't watch TV at all. Go me! But I feel refreshed and ready to blog!

Speaking of organizing, I WILL say that I am hugely more organized than ever before in my life. Something has clicked in my brain and I am starting to get it. Whatever it was that all the rest of you have known all along, I'm kind of starting to get it. It has something to do with consisitently following through, consistently putting things away, etc. No duh, you say? This is all new to me. I spent my entire life thinking that if there was only one dish in the sink, it wasn't dirty. 2 dishes? Eh. Oh, what happened? There are twenty dishes in the sink. Oh my lord, what an incredible mess, how did I let it get so messy???? And then it was time to do dishes. Repeat this scenario replacing the words dishes and sink with toys and the floor, bills and to pay, papers and to correct, etc. You get the idea. It's this totally liberating realization. The amazing part is that I always thought having to do the same thing every day to keep things organized would be like shackles holding me back from the things I really wanted to do. But it's the opposite! Not letting things get out of control allows you to be very carefree. You can leave the house at a moment's notice and know where the umbrella is. You can use your kitchen for cooking. You can be cooking something fabulous and realize that you'd love to share it and call up a friend to come join you and not stress about cleaning the house before they arrive.

I am still sorting through ten year old clutter in certain closets of my house, but slowly, I have been freeing up closet space, giving away rubbermaid bins and not feeling any urgent need to fill up the empty space. I enjoy looking at empty spaces. There are still not enough empty spaces in my house, but I"m getting there. Holy cow, this post just turned into a flylady testimonial. Cripes. I used to do flylady about 5 years ago and I totally gave up on it because it was too complicated. What worked for me? An effort at consistency. So there. Now ask me about my dieting philosophy sometime. Another hill I overcame without the aid of any program.

Okay, so that's it for now. I will post some pictures later, a short essay on family generations and a rant about Betsy's future aspirations. Please stay tuned. And if I get lazy and don't do it, I can edit this post and you can't prove I ever said it!!! Ha. I control the reality of the worrygirl universe!!!! (Okay, someone told me recently, many times, that I am way too guilty feeling. So I'm working on NOT feeling guilty. Saying things like that out loud helps me. I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? I promise, I didn't mean to. If you really want me to write those posts I will.) I'm not crazy.

It's just a doll... breathe in, breathe out....it's just a doll

There is such a difficult line to navigate in parenting between gaining your child's trust so that they will share things with you and being their disciplinarian, possibly having to punish for the things. It's especially difficult as a single parent without the good cop/bad cop option.

So today I made major headway when Betsy showed me the very secret thing she wrote in her diary: "Nat, I love you." carefully spelled out in her Hello Kitty notebook. So now I've posted it on a public blog and I'm a very bad mommy whom she should never trust. She doesn't read that well yet. This is Nat. I have very mixed emotions about my 6 year old having crushes on teenage boys. On the one hand alarm bells are going off screaming caution. On the other hand, it's cute, it's normal and I'm so happy that she shared it with me. She was embarrassed and so I told her about my crush on Shawn Cassidy and Ponch from CHiPs at roughly the same age. She laughed, "you mean in the 50s?" I told her that she can have crushes but she can't go out with real boys yet. She said, "I know, but maybe when I'm like 17?" Ummm.... yeah. Maybe. With this one I'll be lucky if we make it to 12. I'm trying my darndest to steer her towards nerdy pursuits and I'm pretty sure she's going to need glasses soon so hopefully that gives us a little cushion. Sigh.

On a slightly related vein, this afternoon she was playing with her barbies. First she filled a plastic tub with water and it was going to be a lake for Barbie to take her kayak. Then I went outside and it was a bathtub. All the Barbies were completely nude laid out on a towel either having just bathed or getting ready to bathe. I kind of freaked when I saw that Ken was naked too. Since I remember the naughty things my Ken and Barbie did (and I know what a naughty adult I've been!) I was kind of concerned.
"Betsy, shouldn't they be wearing bathing suits?"
"They're wet mom and there's not enough"
"But won't they be embarrassed for Ken to see them naked like that"
"He's just a DOLL mom!"
Oh yeah. So true. I don't know how I'm going to get through these next 12 years. Too much to worry about!